Interpersonal Communication Blog Assignment pt 2

Concept 1:
Principles of Conflict
Principle 3: Social Groups shape the Meaning of Conflict Behaviors.
Differences Among Ccommunities (Chp. 9 Pg. 228)
This concept is relating to how different social communities deal with conflict. Men and women belong to different social communities and each community handles conflict with different methods. Women handle conflict by expressing verbally where on the other hand men tend to avoid expressive communication. The perceived  psychology behind men's lack of expressitivity is that men tend to deal with more intense and longer-lasting physical responses to conflict then women. Men try to avoid  and minimize conflict and sometimes use coercive tactics, both verbal and physical to avoid discussing problems and force their personal resolutions upon the other. Where as women try to express and work out the conflict. Women are also more inclined to defer and compromise.
 In relation to my own personal experiences I have noticed this to be true. In my previous relationship when there was conflict my ex would minimize the problem or just avoid the issue all together. I would try to map out the issue and even offer up resolutions but either way he would insist there was no problem but act out in a destructive behavior by ignoring me or being short tempered. His behavior conflicted with his claims. It wouldn't be till things excelled that he would admit he was upset and actually somewhat address the issue but I was the only one to offer up compromises.

I think this cartoon expresses well how men tend to avoid discussing conflict with in their personal lives. The cartoon characters are at dinner and the husband is examining an object to avoid talking to his wife, which a dinner table is an obscure place to examine anything unrelated to food or discussion. (haha).



Concept 2:
Autonomy/ Connection. ( Chp. 8 pg. 201)
In a relationship between two people there is a struggle between keeping "who you are" and being connected with the other person. This is a common struggle between couples and even friends because when two people are around each other for an extended period of time they tend to start sharing attitudes, behaviors and experiences in general. So it is easy to blend into a shared identity,but as an individual we struggle to keep "us" or our own personal identity.

This relates to my personal life in friendships and relationships. My best friend and I have shared a lot of time and experiences together and although our similarities are what have brought us together, I still feel the need to be my own person and create my own experiences. I feel this concept becomes more apparent in romantic relationships because many of the decisions are made with the other person in mind. This can be difficult for me because being so young I have yet to fully find myself as a person therefore there is a constant struggle for me to become fully connected with a person while still trying to find out who I am.

Don't hate me - The Get Up Kids Lyrics

I chose the lyrics to this song because the writer is telling the one he loves that although he loves her, he needs to find out who he is. But the writer's lover can rest assure that one day he will return to her.

Concept 3: 
Pressures on Friendships
 External Pressures
 Competing Demands ( Chp. 10 Pg. 266)
This concept relates to how people become immersed in a new relationship that they begin to neglect other friendships. This can create a strain on a friendship.
This concept relates to my personal life because when my friends were in relationships I would feel neglected because they would always have plans with their beaus so it was hard to get together. Also we didn't call and talk to each other on a regular basis so I would feel disconnected. There was a point in time where my close network of friends and I were all involved in serious relationships and despite being intimately involved with a person I had this sense of loneliness because I wasn't involved with my friends as much.


The Blow- The Big U

 This song is about how the singer is aware of her friend beginning a relationship and is fearing she will be consumed with in the relationship and will start to neglect their friendship.







                                                                                                         

My interpersonal communication skills or lack there of.

 Mind Reading : assuming we understand what another person thinks, feels or perceives. ( chpt 3 pg 84). The concept of mind reading is when a reader assumes what a person is thinking by the "readee's" reaction or lack of reaction. Mind reading isn't limited to the "readee's" reaction, the reader can assume they know what their "readee" wants or feels without actual confirmation and make actions based upon these assumptions. This perceptual action can be detrimental to any kind of relationship.
To relate it to my own experience; I assumed whenever my boyfriend  was silent there was something wrong. I would ask him repeatedly "Are you okay?" and he would reply yes and leave it at that. It was hard for me to comprehend that when he was silent there was the possibility of there actually being nothing wrong. But in my favor, the majority of our previous arguments revealed that whenever he did feel conflicted about something he tended to keep silent and let it simmer to a boil within the barracks of his cranium. I thought I could prevent future confrontation by seeking out the demons that possessed his once loving mind. Instead my constant chase lead him on a run...away from me.

Ex1: I feel the lyrics to Jack Johnson's "Wasting time" are a good example to the concept of Mind Reading.
"now please don't pretend to know what's on my mind
If we already knew everything that everybody knows
We would have nothing to learn tonight
And we would have nothing to show tonight
Oh but everybody thinks
That everybody knows
About everybody else
Nobody knows
Anything about themselves
Cause their all worried about everybody else
"
Waste of Time


 This leads to my next concept of choice : The Demand-Withdrawal Pattern: a pattern  where one person tries to create closeness with personal talk,  and the other strives to maintain autonomy by avoiding intimate discussion ( Chpt 4, pg 102).   
 The concept of the Demand-Withdrawal pattern is a cruel cycle. The more one person tries create an intimate inquiry the other runs further away. The first person just wants to bond with the other but their effort is creating a counter-effort of pushing them away. Cruel cycle. I experienced this all first hand. The more I asked what was wrong the more the boyfriend didn't want to tell me. Then my constant asking pushed him so far down the rabbit hole of withdrawal that I don't see him anymore. Although in his own testament he argued that by my always asking whats wrong made him feel like he wasn't making me happy and the frustration of assuming (his mind reading) I was never happy made him disappear.

Ex2: The song "Anything Anything" by Dramarama (lol)
In this song the singer is trying to figure out whats wrong with the person and is attempting to make the other person happy by offering her everything, like "candy, diamonds, pills, hundred dollar bills..."(oh those crazy punks). but in the end it fails him.
Anything Anything

My final concept of choice for this blog of inter-personal reflection is Self-fulfilling prophecy : Acting in a way that embodies expectations or judgements about us (chpt 2, pg 46). 
This concept is where somebody believes in the expectations or judgements of someone else, whether they are good or bad, that they become that expectation. I judged him as unhappy because he was quiet which led to my constant asking and because of my constant asking about his happiness... he became unhappy.

Ex3: courtesy of www.polyn.com